Welp. I can’t believe I’m finally putting this one into words. Having summers off as a teacher is a double edged sword, because even when you’re super relaxed, you’re also bored and have tons of time to ruminate on your life and the direction it’s going in.
So….I’m turning 40 in October.
And it’s literally consuming my thoughts, because holy f*@# you guys; I’m old. Like, emotionally I used to feel 25, or maybe that was just pre-Covid times, but now I actually feel old. In my body. In my brain. In my BONES. There’s nothing like a year and a half of instability and parenting around the clock with no social outlet to make you acutely aware of all your grey hairs, aches, pains, wrinkles and general misery.
Whenever I tell people I’m turning 40 this year, they say, “oh well, at least you’ve accomplished a lot.” And yes, this does bring me some comfort. I’m happily married with two kids, a 9 year old girl, and a 6 year old boy. I have the “Million Dollar Family,” as they say, and now I also have the million dollar home, because we upgraded from a townhouse to a large, newer detached home two weeks ago, and I’ve never been more proud of us. I’m well established in my teaching career, having been at the same school since 2010, and of course now I also have this well established social media life, and surely that gives off the illusion of having my shit together.
But being accomplished doesn’t detract from the number being a hard pill to swallow. I want my age to stay with a 3 in front of it, not a 4. The 4 is symbolically a new chapter for me, and one step closer to real, legit middle-agedness. Many say your 40s are amazing, as your children gain newfound independence and you get some freedom, but I don’t want it. I want my babies to stay little forever, and I don’t want to age, and I don’t want my parents to age either.
Anyway, I’m going to plan a massive rager at my new house in October. If you’re reading this, you’re invited, because only 3 people will read this. We all know I don’t actually have any friends. I think I’ll rent a food truck, and do some sort of Mexican themed fiesta with tacos and margs and honestly, it’s gonna be LIT. And yes, I’m aware that 40 year olds can’t say that word, but since I teach teenagers, I will use the Gen Z slang forever, and I’m certain it’ll be okay.
Okay, off to get Botox and fillers, k thx for reading…bai!