Mommy Blogger for a Day

Let me preface this post with two things:

  1. This is the post where I officially give up on censoring my kids’ faces. That was fun while it lasted, but I’m two months into my blogging journey and now I’m too lazy, so like…meh. Enjoy their faces.
  2. I promise after this parenting post I’ll resume normalcy with my lifestyle, food, exercise and fun content.

So last week we went to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls for two nights to celebrate my daughter’s 6th birthday. Wait. Let me pause for a second. SIX!? How have I been a mom for so long? Good lord I’m old.

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As you can see, the kids had the most amazing time! As for the adults, there are certain things you must accept if you’re going to go:

  1. The place is a cesspool of germs. I feel like all the chlorine in the world can’t kill the gonorrhea that likely exists there. Sorry to alert you all to this, but it’s a reality. So make your peace with it before you go.
  2. You can’t look cute here. Due to humidity and all activities being water related, you need to embrace looking like a homely dirtnugget for the duration of your stay. I threw my hair up in the rattiest top knot (see above for evidence) and didn’t wear a stitch of makeup. I looked like a troll for 48 hours and frankly, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.
  3. The margs at the pool aren’t strong enough. Ask for a double, because #sanity.
  4. The talking animals are scary as shit.
  5. Get comfortable dancing to Taylor Swift and doing the Cha Cha Slide in public. Likely sober. The struggle was real.

Anyway, this was my token mommy blogger post. How did I do? Now I’ll leave you with something more fun, because of course the second I got home from the trip, I needed to do some serious adulting and went for a night on the town.

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Unapologetically living my best life this summer.

Wanderlust – My NYC Roundup

Hi friends! I’m home! My four days in New York City were the most magical days I’ve had in years, so I’m obviously here to share my time with you. Please enjoy a post written by a late 30 something who lived like an early 20 something, and try not to judge me too hard, okay? Give a middle aged mother of two some freedom in the best city in the world, and it’s a given that she’ll go a little crazy. #noregrets

So we got into NYC Friday around 2 pm. Our flight was delayed because of some insane thunderstorms and a flood warning, but we got there, and decided to take public transportation to our hotel in Times Square. Also, ew, don’t stay in Times Square, okay? Do yourself a favour and book yourself a pricier boutique hotel in SoHo, so as to avoid the chaos, STIs, and various other gross things that exist in Times Square. This is now the second time I’ve gone and made this mistake, and no matter how magical it is there at night, when the sun rises and you see how truly revolting the place is (you’ll smell it too), you’ll want to run like hell. But you won’t be able to, due to hoards of tourists, naked body painted women, terrifying characters, etc.

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This matcha churro was literally the only good thing to come out of Times Square. And believe me when I say I earned it, after hauling an extremely heavy piece of luggage up and down the subway system to get to the hotel.

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After bathing in the stink of Times Square for a bit, we ventured out to Soho for dinner at La Esquina, a super authentic Mexican restaurant on Kenmare St. From the outside, it’s an unassuming little store/taco stand, but then you go down some stairs into this cavern and it’s all just like…mood. I tried to film it, but the bitch hostess yelled at me, “no video!” Welcome to New York. Anyway, the place was pretentious AF and straight up, the food and margs were mediocre. It’s super hyped up and I think rated very highly, but we were underwhelmed. I mean, they couldn’t even make us some chips and guac. WTF? Don’t call yourself a Mexican restaurant if you don’t serve guac.

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Excuse the taco bloat in this pic.

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Saturday we decided to do touristy stuff. We went to the 911 memorial, and it was so sombre and hit me so hard. I was particularly upset seeing the names of women with unborn children on the plaques, which stuck with me the rest of the day.

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We then walked down to Battery Park to stroll and see the Statue of Liberty. I love this shot that I took (almost as much as the other shots I took later that night), because to me, it really encapsulates the city.

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After we had our share of sightseeing, we decided to subway back to Soho for lunch and some shopping. I made a pitstop at Cha Cha Matcha, obviously, and then we had the most incredible brunch at Seamore’s, on Broome St. in Nolita. After lunch, we shopped, and I bought myself obnoxious festival-esque sunnies from Madewell, because I secretly think I’m still 18 years old.

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We had dinner that night at Koi in Bryant Park. I LOVE Bryant Park so much. It’s just steps from the filth of Times Square, but it’s so picturesque. This meal was much better than the previous night, and the crispy rice spicy tuna pictured here was out of this world. It was my second time eating here (third or fourth if you count the times I’ve been to Koi in Vegas), and it did not disappoint. Delicious cocktails and amazing sushi. It’s pricey, but very high quality. After dinner, we chilled in Bryant Park, and then ventured back to the hotel to get ready to hit up a real, actual nightclub.

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This, friends, is the Park, in Chelsea, and yes, it’s just as magical as this picture is. Somehow this beautiful venue, combined with the music and the drinks, compelled this old lady to stay out welllllllll past her 9 pm bedtime. I won’t tell you what time we stayed here until, but I’ll tell you that last call is 4 am in New York.

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Aaaaaand then this was me Sunday morning. I believe the kids call this “ratchet,” yes? I’m never staying out all night again. 9 pm bedtimes FOR.EVER.

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I don’t have a lot of photographic evidence from Sunday, because I was in a special kind of state, but in the morning we wandered through the Upper East Side. I don’t know why. I guess it felt good to get some fresh air after practically pulling an all-nighter, but I felt like garbage. We had lunch at By Chloe, a vegan restaurant I was looking forward to trying, and it was pretty delish, but my stomach wasn’t having ANY of it. In the afternoon, we saw Book of Mormon, and I legitimately laughed straight through the entire 2 and a half hours. It was so ridiculously offensive. Right up my alley!

Sunday evening we laid low, and just grabbed a slice of ‘za and wandered a bit, and Monday we grabbed a bagel for breakfast and ventured out to Central Park for our last morning before our flight home.

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Carbs with a view. The best!

And there you have it! We had the best time, and can’t wait to go back again!