Tag: anxiety

Absorbing the Mental Load

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Forgive me if this is all over the place. So is my brain. Also, this blog won’t actually have any photos in it, so if you come here for the visuals, you should probably just press that little x at the top right of the screen right now.

I’ve been back at work full time now for about a month. During this time, Ontario has also entered the second wave of the pandemic, and cases are at an all time high. My kids are back in school as well. Truly, I savour every minute of knowing they’re at school, socializing (from a distance), and learning from a more qualified teacher than me (I’m great at teaching Shakespeare, but I can’t teach little kids to read and write). Every day we’re in school is a good day, despite the constant lingering fear that one of us will contract Covid. I mean, it’s in the schools. It could happen to us. I’ve stopped looking at that ever-growing list, because simply put, my heart can’t take it.

My first few weeks back were such a rush of excitement and exhaustion. Having been out of the building since March, it felt amazing to sit at my desk, greet my students in the morning (albeit half of them), and teach face to face. Even the afternoon virtual component of this hybrid model is fun for me. It’s crazy the types of engaging dialogues you can have with students virtually, when everyone is committed and invested.

But in the past week or two, the initial excitement has worn off, and teacher burnout has ensued. A big part of this is my students need me. I have 72 of them this semester (which is actually a small number compared to the 90 I’ve had in previous years), and they all email me with questions, requests for support, etc. I’m the one who they turn to not just for academic support, but emotional support too. I absorb their stress, burdens, and anxiety. I am their guide. And to be frank, during this time, that is entirely too much for me.

I’m really struggling to compartmentalize everyone’s emotional and physical needs. My students’. My own. My families’. Not to mention all the brands I partner with on top of all of this, which is essentially a third job beyond teaching and parenting. My brain can’t absorb this mental load, and I often wake at 5 am on the dot, panic-stricken at all I have to do that day.

So what gives?

Do I put my Instagram job on hiatus? No, because I’ve just been offered some amazing partnerships. Do I go to sleep earlier? I mean, you can’t go to sleep earlier than my already ridiculous 9 pm bedtime. I’m not really sure how to proceed without the inevitable crash. This isn’t long term sustainable. Usually I have a vacation to look forward to, but alas, that isn’t in the cards for a long time to come.

Basically I’m reaching out to all of you. Not to unload (well, okay, to unload a little), but to hear if you have any suggestions. I already practice so much self care, but it isn’t helping me stay afloat.

If you’ve made it to this part, I genuinely want to thank you for reading. Athleisure Teacher, out.

resolveCBD Review

Published on by The Athleisure Teacher2 Comments

For those of you who have been reading my blog for the last couple of years, you know my summers are typically pretty chill. All the anxiety and stress from the 10 months of the school year completely diminishes for me, and I live my best life as a lady who lunches, while my kids go to camp. There are shopping trips to NYC. Road trips to Wine Country. Well, not this summer. Due to the pandemic, summer is looking pretty different this year, and while I’m still making the best of it, my anxiety is raging.

Enter resolveCBD.

Resolve

I reached out to this local company after a few months without CBD, as my sleep wasn’t great, and I just generally haven’t felt my best. Not only does CBD typically help with my sleep, but it also helps with pain management, something that I most definitely need right now, between achy and sore muscles, and a couple of other health issues that I don’t want to get into.

I’ve been using resolveCBD now for a couple of weeks, and it’s been amazing. I take a dropper of the tincture under my tongue about 45 minutes before bed (basically right before I meditate), and it helps me turn my brain off and prepare for rest. CBD doesn’t make you sleepy – it just makes you more even keeled and at peace. This oil has a mild peppermint flavour, and it’s much more palatable than other CBD brands I’ve tried. Since I started taking it, I’ve been falling asleep faster and waking less times in the night. For the last few months, I’ve been ruminating quite a bit for hours after a middle of the night wake up, and that isn’t happening now. I’m able to block out the external thoughts and fall back asleep relatively quickly.

Overall, I’m loving partnering with this company, because they make some amazing products, and I’m proud to support a local brand doing something to help people who struggle with pain and anxiety. Their website is www.resolvecbd.ca, and you can purchase the full spectrum CBD oil here (and even save 10% off using my code RSLVATHLEISURE!), and also get the new CBD pain cream that they just launched here. They were kind enough to gift me the pain cream too, and wow, it’s actually awesome. I was skeptical, but I put it on my sore calves after a run, and it soothed them instantly! Shipping is free on all orders, so this is really a no brainer.

XO,

Athleisure Teacher

Quarantine Coping Mechanisms

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As we enter week TEN (insert mind blown emoji here) of quarantine, I thought I’d share some things I’ve been doing that have helped keep my mental health in check during this awful time. It’s no surprise that when this all began, I was not okay. I was pretty transparent about how my anxiety about the unknown was raging, I was depressed due to having my world pulled out from under me, and just generally I wasn’t handling it well. I really do feel I’ve found my stride in acceptance of this as our new normal, and I wanted to share my strategies, in the hopes of helping others.

In Ontario, a lot is re-opening after this long weekend. This does provide some comfort because the government thinks we’re ready to loosen restrictions, but because I think most people will still opt to stay home a while longer, here’s what has helped me:

1. Daily Routine

home workouts

homeschool

We’ve established a really great schedule for the last month or so. Right after breakfast, I head to the mat for my daily workout. Days I don’t exercise, I obviously don’t feel as great mentally or physically. It doesn’t necessarily even have to be high impact, but just 30 mins of low intensity exercise is great for endorphins and helps me mentally tackle the day. It also gives me the energy I need to be productive.

After my workout, we do homeschool for a couple of hours. Truthfully, this is not my favourite part of the day, but it’s so important for the kids because it gives them a sense of normalcy, and ensures they don’t fall too far behind. I’m not the most patient teacher, so I often end up typing while they dictate, but honestly, I’ve made my peace with the fact that we’re “cheating,” because I’m not trying to be at the computer all day while my daughter types one letter at a time. Shhh, don’t tell her teacher.

2.  Vitamin D

this will pass

As part of our daily schedule, we take walks outside every day after lunch. The weather in Toronto is really hit and miss, and most days have either been super cold, or rainy (worst spring ever), but on days where the sun is shining, this is my happy time. I’ve also been incorporating mantras into my daily practice to help me get through this, so seeing that someone has painted rocks with “this will pass,” and other motivating words and phrases, has kept me going a lot of the time where I’ve felt really down. To the kind soul who did this, I love you (unless it’s the neighbor I really despise…I don’t love you).

3. Music

If you follow me on Insta (@theathleisureteacher, shameless plug) and watch my stories, you’ll see I always post a “hype song of the day.” Music helps fuel me in so many ways. I listen to upbeat songs of varying genres to get excited for my workouts, stay positive, energize me, etc. Music helps a lot of people cope, and truly, there is nothing better than an impromptu dance party to get you through hard times.

4. Fueling myself with proper nutrition

healthy food

We do takeout 1-2 times a week, but otherwise we’re eating pretty healthy at home. I have been mostly plant-based for a while now, and only eat meat maybe 30% of the time max. My body craves veggies and carbs, so that’s what the majority of my diet is, and this helps to keep me satiated, and my brain and body functioning at optimal capacity. A lot of people have been baking up a storm in quarantine and finding comfort in that, but yeah, that’s not me. I do snack a lot throughout the day, but I mostly do vegan protein gummies, Greek yogurt, or a fruit for a snack. That being said, if I have a craving, I honor it, and have been indulging from time to time.

5. Staying strong for them

spring 2020

This is a biiiiiiig one for me. My kids will always be the reason I wake up daily and have purpose, drive, and motivation to keep going. I can’t wallow in bed or show my anxiety visibly, because they need me. Sometimes I find myself expressing negative thoughts about all of this in front of them, and then my daughter starts to echo them. I’m cognizant of this, so I make a concerted effort just to project strength, hope, and positivity. Lately we’re starting to realize I will likely be home with them all summer and camp won’t be an option, and although I’m selfishly shattered by this (how *will* I be a lady who lunches with kids in tow?), I’m trying to frame it like “don’t worry, we’ll still have a fun summer.” I know there are many people who will have to continue to work from home all summer with their kids there, and I guess I should just be grateful as a teacher that I likely won’t have to work and will have the time with them.

6. Distance visits

This is a new one for us. As regulations start to ease, I’ve started seeing friends again from 6 feet away. As sad as it is, not being able to hug them or get close, this fills my cup in ways a Zoom chat never will. I also see my parents from a distance, and was so grateful just to be able to sit outside with them last weekend on Mother’s Day. Social distancing is something that will be present in our lives for a long time I think, so getting accustomed to it now is best for me personally. I wasn’t really up for it until last weekend, but now I feel great about it, as long as precautions are met.

Overcoming Anxiety Triggers

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Let me preface this post by saying I’m not a mental health professional, nor do I have any real expertise on this subject. I’m merely writing about my own experiences and what has worked for me and my own anxiety.

I’ve always been a relatively anxious person. Despite not having a clinical diagnosis, it’s something I’ve had to cope with for most of my adult years, and even some aspects of my teenage years, to a lesser extent. I’d say my anxiety is mild. I’ve only had maybe one or two panic attacks in my life, but whenever I have medical testing or procedures done, I get my blood pressure taken and it’s perpetually high due to anxiety. Once I calm down, it goes back down, but the fact it can get so high is proof that my mental health can have a serious impact on my physical health and I feel the symptoms of anxiety in my body.

With this being said, I think the most important part of coping with anxiety is being aware of your triggers. And since I’m astutely aware of mine, I thought I’d share them with you today and talk a little about how I cope with them, or even how I’ve overcome them.

1. Winter driving anxiety

In 2007, I had a pretty bad car accident on Valentine’s Day. I was driving downtown to meet my boyfriend (now husband), and it was snowing. I sped up to pass someone who was going at a snail’s pace, and I hit a guard rail, went OVER it, and essentially drove down into a ditch next to a ravine. I was fine, but I’ve forever had winter driving anxiety and PTSD from the incident. For many years post-accident, I’d have my husband drive me to work on snow days because I just. could. not. BUT – here’s my tip for overcoming this anxiety. Just get back in the saddle. Literally. Avoidance strategies won’t help in the long run, and recognizing that you can still drive safely in the winter is so integral to overcoming your anxiety. It was probably last winter when I started driving myself to work on snow days, and I haven’t looked back (except to check my blind spots and rear view mirror). The key is to drive slowly, defensively, and recognize that you’re not in a rush. Especially given that if you’re late, everyone else will likely be too. Snowy conditions are just not a time to let that type A urge of punctuality consume you. But if you don’t take that initiative to attempt the winter driving again, you won’t get better. The end.

2. Social anxiety

Never in my life had I previously gone to an event or party alone. EVER. The thought of it made my heart palpitate and my palms sweat profusely. But since I started this blog a year and a half ago, I’ve been invited to multiple events and tastings without a plus 1. GASP. Sans plus 1 was initially something that instantly triggered me. But I’m happy to say I’ve since overcome this fear and now attend events solo. Don’t get me wrong, I’m awkward af once I get there, but I still go. How? With the help of my BFF; CBD.

CBD

I take a few drops under the tongue about 45 mins to an hour before the event, and it helps me to be more even keeled and rational about what I’m about to do. CBD doesn’t make you drowsy and doesn’t contain THC, so it’s safe to drive on, and it helps immensely with clarity and focus. When I take CBD before an event, I feel more calm and ready to tackle social situations. Overall, I highly recommend it to help with sleep after a long day, and also when you need a little extra help with staying afloat during the day. My preferred brand is CBDMove, because it’s flavoured. I love the mango, and they also have watermelon and a couple other flavours. You can order CBDMove on CBD Cargo and use the code CARGO15 for 15% off your order. You’re welcome!

3. Sick kid anxiety

This is the one trigger I don’t cope well with, but I’m working on it. Despite being a mom for almost 8 years, the times when the kids get sick are still really hard for me. Specifically with regards to fever and puke, I don’t tend to handle it well. I can mutter “this too shall pass” to myself over and over all day, but it doesn’t seem to help. When the fever spikes, or the vomit starts spewing, you can just stick a fork in me, because I’m done. Witnessing your children when they’re miserable is really hard. If anyone has tips for overcoming this anxiety, I’m all ears!

I’d love to hear some of your own coping strategies in the comments or DM me on Instagram; @theathleisureteacher!

 

First Week Back Starter Pack

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Hello friends, and yay for making it through our first week back to work (or if you’re a student reading this, congrats for making it through your first week back to school)!

I’ve been doing this whole back to school (as a teacher) thang now for like…11 or 12 years. Yes I’m aware that makes me old af, but I can honestly say it never gets easier. August is a special month of dread, and when that first week of September hits, you’ll need some coping mechanisms. With that said, I present to you, my first week back starter pack.

xanax.jpg

I mean, this is really the foundation of your starter pack. If you don’t take Xanax, do you even teach bro? You’ll need to double up on your dosage early (ask a doctor, but also, maybe don’t and just take my advice on this one), especially if you’re like me and you looked at dem class lists way too early in August.

iced coffee

Also, get on that Trenta iced coffee addiction on Labour Day, so you’re well prepared for the caffeine jitters that’ll ensue for the remainder of this first week back. The odds of you talking a mile a minute to your students are high, and you’ll need to leave class multiple times to use the loo (look how classy and British I am today),  but the alternative is a caffeine drip right into your vein, so Trenta it is.

zantac

This one is a new addition to my starter pack this year, and I suspect it’s a testament to how old I truly have become. Aging is funny. You think you can tolerate bucketfuls of coffee just fine, but one day you just find out you totally can’t. So after doubling over in pain all the night a few nights ago because of coffee-induced heartburn, I found my  new best friend; Zantac. Allllll the self-medicating.

And finally, the most important item in your first week back starter pack is…

rsz_locker-room-vic-park-900x640

A safe and quiet space to cry in. For me, it’s a women’s washroom/locker room on the first floor of my school. Find yours ASAP. You will need it.

(Okay so full disclosure: I actually did not consume any alcohol or medication this week to help me cope with going back to work. Nor did I cry. I’m not really a crier. I actually had a really great week and just practiced self care to keep me stable and productive. I meditated, went to sleep early, worked out, ate well, took frequent pauses to savor the small moments, and overall, I handled my shit really well. This is all meant to be humorous so take it with a grain of salt!)

How I Keep my Anxiety at Bay

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It’s been a hard week.

With the loss of two iconic legends in their respective fields, suicide prevention and mental health awareness have been at the forefront of people’s minds and mouths more than ever. So today I thought I’d do a post to shed some light on my own struggles with mental health and offer a few suggestions for what has worked for me to keep my anxiety at bay. I’ve always been a pretty high anxiety person, and while I like to joke my preferred coping mechanisms are wine and Ativan, this past year I’ve actually taken some concrete steps to alleviate my anxiety in a healthy way, and here’s what I’ve found helpful.

1. Visualization

After struggling to quiet my mind enough to meditate or even practice mindfulness, I’ve found a strategy that helps to stop my racing heart in times of distress or when I get anxious. Visualization is great because it feels very concrete to me, as opposed to more abstract methods of calming. When you visualize, you picture all the things that are causing you stress and worry (mostly in the form of the toxic sludge you’re holding in your body), and then you dump all of that into some storage type container. You picture yourself shutting the container up in a very official way (I picture a treasure chest for some reason and I like to lock it up real tight, but you can use any container ranging from tupperware to a backpack even), and then dump it somewhere it can’t surface. For me, I dump it into the ocean and watch it sink. You then go on to picture yourself in your favourite place post-purging and spend a few minutes basking yourself in that location. Personally, I go to the beach in Mexico where we vacation, and feel the warmth on me, the sand between my toes, and I let all the worries melt away. I know it all sounds a little corny, but I swear, it works. When I open my eyes again, I feel calm and at peace.

2. Adaptogens

Adaptogens are herbs that help to reduce stress and anxiety (more info here). Ashwagandha is my preferred adaptogen, as it’s been proven to help with stress and anxiety reduction.ashwagandha

I drink mine in kombucha, but you can also take supplements (purchase here). I also like magic mushrooms. Not the fun kind, but ones like reishi and cordyceps. I really think adaptogens can make a difference in your mood.

3. Sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep is 100% the difference for me between being able to cope and not feeling emotionally stable. It’s a known fact I have a granny-esque bedtime, and if you text me after 9 pm, you won’t hear from me until 6 am. In fact, I power down long before my 9 pm bedtime. I’ve always been a light sleeper who wakes frequently in the night, but I recently found my secret weapon. drbach

It’s called Bach’s Rescue Remedy Night spray, and it works. It’s made from flowers and tastes like poison, and I love it. I get it from Ambrosia, where I get all my supplements, and it’s relatively inexpensive. Take a spray or two (or seven if you’re me) when you go to bed, and if you wake through the night, and it instantly calms you and helps you fall back asleep.

4. Exercise

pump.jpeg

Obviously this one is on my list. We all know by now that exercise produces endorphins and makes you feel more centered, relaxed, and happy. It seems counter-intuitive, but pushing my body to the limit is always the most relaxing part of my day. Straight up, I exercise for my mental health, not my physical. The physical is truly just an added bonus.

5. Cuddle, get outside, enjoy quality time

wonderland.jpeg

It’s amazing what fresh air does for the mind. When I’m feeling stressed or anxious, I go outside, even if it’s just for a minute (disclaimer: I only do this when it’s above 15 degrees because I hate the cold), and I take a deep breath. I instantly feel better. So days where I spend a few hours outdoors, especially with my kids, I feel particularly stable and happy. And days where we’re trapped inside? I make sure to get lots of cuddles, because a hug is sure to instantly calm my nerves and improve my mood.

So once again, a doozy of a post, but thanks for reading yet another novel of mine. I hope you find just one strategy you like or think might work. But most importantly, if you’re really struggling with anxiety and depression, or thoughts of suicide, please talk to someone and get help. XO