Hello friends, and yay for making it through our first week back to work (or if you’re a student reading this, congrats for making it through your first week back to school)!

I’ve been doing this whole back to school (as a teacher) thang now for like…11 or 12 years. Yes I’m aware that makes me old af, but I can honestly say it never gets easier. August is a special month of dread, and when that first week of September hits, you’ll need some coping mechanisms. With that said, I present to you, my first week back starter pack.

I mean, this is really the foundation of your starter pack. If you don’t take Xanax, do you even teach bro? You’ll need to double up on your dosage early (ask a doctor, but also, maybe don’t and just take my advice on this one), especially if you’re like me and you looked at dem class lists way too early in August.

Also, get on that Trenta iced coffee addiction on Labour Day, so you’re well prepared for the caffeine jitters that’ll ensue for the remainder of this first week back. The odds of you talking a mile a minute to your students are high, and you’ll need to leave class multiple times to use the loo (look how classy and British I am today),  but the alternative is a caffeine drip right into your vein, so Trenta it is.

This one is a new addition to my starter pack this year, and I suspect it’s a testament to how old I truly have become. Aging is funny. You think you can tolerate bucketfuls of coffee just fine, but one day you just find out you totally can’t. So after doubling over in pain all the night a few nights ago because of coffee-induced heartburn, I found my  new best friend; Zantac. Allllll the self-medicating.

And finally, the most important item in your first week back starter pack is…

A safe and quiet space to cry in. For me, it’s a women’s washroom/locker room on the first floor of my school. Find yours ASAP. You will need it.

(Okay so full disclosure: I actually did not consume any alcohol or medication this week to help me cope with going back to work. Nor did I cry. I’m not really a crier. I actually had a really great week and just practiced self care to keep me stable and productive. I meditated, went to sleep early, worked out, ate well, took frequent pauses to savor the small moments, and overall, I handled my shit really well. This is all meant to be humorous so take it with a grain of salt!)